Sunday, May 11, 2008 @12:07 AM
I am back from the concert.
And I never felt this horrible before..
I was doing some stuff, then we went off to the concert.
The concert was nice, really.
The acting part was cool. I liked it. A lot.
After that...read other's ppl blog to know. I made this post just for the sake of what I'm going to say.
Today, I actually wanted to pass you something.
Something that was very important to me.
I thought it would be easy, but it didn't turn out that way...
I hate myself, for not being able to give you that...
I hate myself, because its unfair to you...
I hate myself, because I am a loser. Coward. Arsehole. Whatever type of bad names you can think of, I am it. Hui xiu was right.
I thought of ending my life, when the car which drove pass me, I wanted to jump in front, really.
But I stopped myself, why? Cause I'm a coward. Thats what I am.
I'm scared of dying. Scared of every single shit when those things are not meant to be scared of.
People will die, its just a matter of time.
But even so, I'm still scared of dying.
Thats what I mean by being scared of somethings which are meant to be.
I wanted to give you that, but I was scared.
I don't know what I was scared of...
So I'm a coward. Thats that.
I shed tears on the way back home in the bus.
I never felt this way b4.
Even though its just some little tears...
I knew this is important, very important.
When I was watching hui xiu and mutiara eat, I wanted to cry so badly.
But restricted myself by biting my tongue.
I know pathetic. Yes that's what I am too.
A pathetic kid.
Now I made you waited longer, my heart begans to sink.
Feeling why, this unfairness shldn't be upon you, while it should be me.
I totally hate myself now.
For who I am.
I totally blew my chance. Now I don't even know if theres a second.
If there really is. I will make sure. I do it.
If not. I'll slit my wrist.
And guess what. I actually poked myself with a keychain till my finger bleed.
Haha -.-
And even more smarter, while I was walking, I even banged head on into a pole.
Totally never felt this way b4. And I hate this feeling.
But who am I to say anything? I was the one who created this problem. Who was I to have the right to say I hate stuff? I was also the one that couldn't make myself do it.
The problem lies with me.
And I'm sorry.
I really am.
And if you feel like crying after reading this.
Please don't.
A person like me doesn't deserve those tears.
Busy playing guitar; vivo land!
