Today I finally realized how stupid I am that I took so long to figure out some stuff and why am I kidding myself.
My existence has been reduced to 0 already.
Today when we went to bowling, before we reached, you didn't even talk to me...
I was there spacing out... you didn't even ask what happened...
When we went to e!hub and went to superdog, I didn't buy anything to eat, but you didn't ask " you not eating ah?" like how you would in the past...
When we went to bowl, you didn't care why I was spacing out so much...
And it shocked me that the one whom I\ve always thought irritating, yin ze -.-
Is the only one that asked me why I was so emo. It really hit me...
Next when we went out and you all bought chocolates, no one ever did really asked me if I wanted to buy, neither did you...
When we went to the playground, you all played with the swing, while I sat alone in a corner and played with the sand. You didn't care either... All you did was to play with the others and laughed.
I wonder if you even notice that we first held hands there, under the tree.... which the leaves has all turned yellow... It was so nostalgic...
Then when you all left, you didn't say a word... I was invisible, no one actually cares whether I went a not. I was like a wandering ghost following you all around the place, no one actually cares. And I don't make a sound. I didn't even talk more then 10 sentences today, but did anyone notice? I doubt so...
So I really wonder, do I really need to exist in this world a not? You got your friends, with or without me its the same, and my family, if I'm not smart, they wouldn't even care whether I exist a not. My friends... how many of you actually noticed there was something wrong with me these few days? I know super pig and some other people did notice, but what about the others? I know no reason for me to exist anymore...
I really ask myself, what did I do wrong...?
Why did it turned out like this...?
What happened to the yunxuan that I love?
And...
what happened to the yunxuan that loved me?
The tone when you said "bye" towards me in the lift, it sounded different.
It had no "love" in it...
And the jacket that you were holding on to... I so rather wish I would be it rather then me.
When you're is cold, they take a jacket out to wear, but if I'm mingxuan, no one uses me when they are cold, whats the use of having me?
When you need something to hug, the jacket is so small, and it smelled so nice cause of the perfume. But no one hugs mingxuan and mingxuan isn't nice smelling like a perfume. what need is there for mingxuan to be around?
A jacket is so portable cause its small, and its lovable by everyone... But mingxuan is so big, and is ignored by everyone, whats the use of having mingxuan?
Being a jacket I would be a much more use to you and more loved by you.
I don't know what to think anymore, and I'm tired from guessing...
My heart aches for your love which I'm deprived of...
I kept bluffing myself thinking that you still loved me a bit in your heart because you smsed me when you went to the bird park, because you still had convo's with me in msn.
But now, you don't even talk to me in msn...
I really don't know what to do...
Please tell me...
I really want to go bang a wall and die, but I can't do that.
So please tell me... I really am driven to the edge of the cliff already...

Busy playing guitar; vivo land!