I just started thinking, that the world around me had changed so much.
10 years ago, I was this naive little child which was very "guai". I thought everything was good. Except for those "bad people" in the movies and tv shows. Or maybe cartoons.
I listened to my mum and did all the assessments she handed me, went for tuition and NEVER NEVER quarreled with her. I was more of a quiet person, anti-social. I didn't have many friends, mostly one or two. Well, I'm sort of a mummy's boy I guess?
So well, time passed, and 5 years ago, I was still "pure" and "innocent" and "naive". I know none and seriously NONE of you all will say that (like duuh -.-) but then, yaah, I didn't even know what was fuck back then. Well, what ya expect from a nerd? I was still having the mushroom hair style with big rounded specs. I have more friends then usual, but I kept getting bullied often, and well, I didn't get into any fights. So yaah, thats about it. I was still shy...
Now, after growing up, for 10 years, i realized there's more to life then it seems. Things never go as planned. There's more to it then meets the eye. All the stupid idioms are starting to make sense. And I'm starting to hate myself more and more. Why? Cause I'm getting smarter, and I'm beginning to understand how harsh and cruel this world is. Its not like the "goody-goody place with no bad guys" like how I used to think it was years ago. As time passes everything changed, even I changed. Even though not all was bad... So I started swearing and started hating myself everytime things don't go according to plan (which is EVERYTIME ._.)but I made lots of new friends, and became more social then I was before. Well, I found thats the only GOOD thing that I improved in, all the others suck, excluding studies and skills lah.
How I hope now I can just go back into the past and be a naive little kid thinking evetything in this world is good, maybe it'll just help me to lift the burden of thinking so much about my troubles and problems and make me less "zi bei".
gaah, now I know why the old wants to be the young again.
I suddenly feel like I'm "no-good tsuna" all of a sudden. Except there's no reborn, or stupid bullets that make me awaken my sleeping potential or some sort of bullshit that you only see in anime. Its just how the story of tsuna would have continued his life without meeting reborn. Lonely, pathetic, and basically "no-good" in anything and everything. He's character is like mine, anti-social, unable to make friends, timid, coward, scared, and always being forced to be a leader, but never been able to do anything. Everyone can see from the show tsuna is a good for nothing, but he was choosen to be the boss. And I also know that I am not as fierce as ____ or brave as ____ or maybe not as smart as ____ but I still get chosen to be a leader. I find our lives really similar.
But so what? He has reborn, and he's from some anime.
I'm living in the real world, with no such things as those "babies". I seriously need a wake up call. I want to change my personality. I kept blaming myself, for being scared and what knots, but I never tried to change, and if I tried to change, and fail, I'll give myself a pathetic excuse saying that " Aiyo, you're born like this, want change also cannot change lah" And try to comfort my sorry little self. I hate this, all of this. Why can't I be like other people? Why must I be me. Why? Can't I have only the sweet moments and forget the bitter? And why does bitter moments last longer in my memories then sweet ones? Why?
Ah, forget it, probably anyone who even reads this won't know anything about what I'm talking about, so yah, nvm... Just wanted to rant something haha.

Anyways today's the 14th again!
(Suddenly change mood LOL)

Happy anniversary! 5th month le wors. :D I know a lot of things happen recently, and well, I still can't read your mind so I won't start guessing... YET. Hope everything turns out fine yaah?

我爱你<3~
;D

Busy playing guitar; vivo land!